As of right now, this is the last blog I will write on moving--well since I work for a realtor, I am sure a lot more blogs will have things to do with moving in them, but, for me the series I have been doing will end today...and then I will start writing about RENOVATION and how THAT has worked out! But, I do have a a few things I want to leave with you on this topic before I MOVE ON.
After you move, there is ALWAYS an adjustment period. In my experience, there is are a few general "rules" that you can kind of mentally follow. I actually learned this when I was a young mom after my third baby and I was feeling all out of sorts. Another young mom told me "In a month it will be better, in 3 months you will feel normal again and by the end of 6 months you will never remember what it was like without the baby". You'd think I would have realized this sooner (I mean this was my third child!) but big stresses in our life seem to fade in detail as time passes. We want to protect ourselves from the trauma--so usually the BIG moments are the ones that really stick in our mind, but not the gradual affects of adjusting. I have used these principals with a lot of things since then, and it has helped me get through some really hard, terrible times in my life. So, I applied them to when I moved, too.
Before the 3 Month Mark - This is the most chaotic time after the move. You are spending your time placing your things places, and then looking for those things because you aren't sure where you put them. You are finding out that some of those things you thought you were going to love, are not as cool as you thought, however some of the things you thought were going to irritate you the most after your move end up not being such a big deal after all. You are learning new routes to work, shopping and friends' homes. Or you are struggling to make friends and just feel NORMAL again. Kids act up some during this time and may not sleep well. Everyone has their own time frame to adjust to new things and usually (in my experience) none of you will be on the same page. Not even just two of you. But, when one would be falling apart, someone was there to pick them up, so it all worked out. This can be the most exciting and toughest phase after your move.
3 Months - By the three month mark, things are in a better routine. You have learned to quit going to the wrong kitchen cabinet and have moved your things into more settled areas and physically, you are more adjusted to your new surroundings. It's almost just like it was at your old place! But emotionally, for some, it may be a little bit tougher. Sometimes you still long for old friends, old neighborhoods or the "other" way of doing things. Everything is still feeling new at the new house (at least new for you) and since you are back to a more normal routine, you aren't focused on all the little things you wanted done when you moved in that weren't done. You are living your life and some of the mundane, but safe, feelings are setting in and it's OK.
6 Months - After six months you realize that it's been "almost a year" and you need to get back to focusing on things you wanted done! You may, by this time, have saved up some money to do something different in your yard, or are able to build a shed or add whatever it was that "had to wait for a bit" can be focused on again. It's another transition period, but it feels like you are moving forward at least! This part after the move feels good. Unless it doesn't. I will share about those times in a few.
1 Year - After a year, most things are already "old hat". You know, generally, how things are going to be, and you have accepted a lot of those things. You may have started to build relationships in your neighborhood or even at the local stores with people you have seen over the last year. You are still the "newbie" but there may be someone newer around than you, now. For most moves in general, it's a great place to be. The move and adjustment period is done. On to other things....except...
Your Situation - Except when your situation dictates a slight change in your well thought out timeline. I have moved so many times in my life that generally speaking all of the above was true. Some moves were more difficult than others, but, usually I would let go and move on (figuratively and literally) to bigger and better things! But, one move I didn't think I would ever get over and was upset with myself for not being able to follow the "timeline" and adjust like I thought I was supposed to. It was one of the most difficult things for me--next to losing someone I loved--that I have dealt with in my life (and there have been some doozies)! Even though it didn't fit in the timeline, I did adjust, but just not completely. I functioned, called the new house "home" and continued to look to see where I could go next! But it never felt quite "right" to me and honestly, I hated myself for it. I wanted to be contented. There wasn't anything really "wrong" with where I lived other than it wasn't "right". I can't logically explain it or I would. Guilt was looming because I felt this way...I felt un-grateful and I was just unhappy. I couldn't understand why. Then, when the opportunity came to move again, I had all these fears that I would still feel like it was wrong and then what would I do? But, thankfully, because of that hard experience, I learned what I really wanted in a home...I learned what was most important to me and I learned what I needed to feel OK in my home. So even in the hardest move I learned a lot about myself and my family...and how wonderful they all are. They stood by my craziness and supported me because they knew how hard things were for me and they believed in me more than I believed in myself.
So I said all this to say...Your life is your life. It's okay if things need to be different for you to adjust to change. It's okay if it takes you longer and it's okay if you adjust quickly and move on! Our home is the place, not just where we house our things, but, where big life experiences happen. Where babies come home for the first time, where you and your partner first make plans for your lives together...it's the place where your teenagers throw fits and people you love get sick...for some of us, it's the place where we rest our eyes for the last time. It's okay to be attached to some places--and to let go of others and just move on. Just know that you aren't the first one to have all sorts of feelings about your home...your move...or your life. We all do. So, take a chance. Have an adventure and see what kind of home you can make! I know someone who can help you find the right place to make some changes! And sometimes....change is such a beautiful thing!